I’m on my third pregnancy, and even though at times this feels like a walk in a very familiar park, this whole experience has been new for me. I have had more pains, more stress, and a dash more of worry. It could be that this baby is a boy, which is new territory for me, or the fact that I am pregnant while being a mom to more children than I have had before, but overall, I’ve been overwhelmed.
The other day my MIL were talking about different anxiety’s we have along with what else I needed to get ready for the baby. I told her I hadn’t even thought about buying anything yet. I’m getting to be 7 months pregnant, and while I should be excited (and I am) I have never been one to go and start shopping away and get ready for baby.
This isn’t because I don’t know what to buy, or because I’m waiting for a sale or anything. I have held off on shopping for my last two children, also to the last minute.
The reason for my hesitation is my anxiety and fear that if, God forbids, something goes wrong or something happens and I am not able to bring my baby home, that I would have to deal with the pain of seeing baby stuff in the house, in the room, with no baby for it. I know it’s silly, but it’s a legitimate fear that I have, and that I have had, for all of my children.
Luckily with my daughters before, people have convinced me that I had to prepare and we’ve bought things for the new baby before I talked myself out of it. Still, there were a few items, larger items, that I waited until after the baby is safe at home.
As I have had more children, I feel as if my anxieties and fears have grown with each child. It isn’t such an issue that I am battling it and it interferes with my daily life, but it is an issue and a problem that I recognize needs to be solved and dealt with. From being alone in the house after dark, to planning our escape route in parking garages, my idiotic thinking tends to get the best of me when it comes to my children’s future.
I am learning day by day to let go of these fears and anxieties that I really have no control over whatsoever, and enjoy the moment and life that we are given right now.
Who knows, maybe this Mother’s Day Weekend, I’ll go out and buy a little blue onesie after all…